Cyberbuzz: Updated Jon Secada News!!!

From Jon Secada's very own twitter account:

1. would like to be offered a spot on Chelsea Lately only so I can tell them I don't want to go to Chelsea Lately.about 5 hours ago from web
2. @alexgetchell  I dont understand all this Snuggie fascination either, in my day had clothes or we had blankets, not both!12:10 AM Apr 5th from web

1. can't believe how much I sweat the instant I leave air-conditioned space. How do Tusken Sandraiders do it?2:34 PM Mar 31st from web

just bought a flask online for kicks. once my bindle and hastily patched overcoat come in, I'll be the sharpest hobo at the trainyard ;-)12:12 PM Mar 26th from web

1. @Magnoliafan  No, the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency did not make me cry, my tear ducts are just malfunctioning! 
   3:04 AM Mar 25th from web

Adventure Journalism: A Buzz Reporter's Buzzworthy Journey Home

Editor's Note:  We interrupt Beez Waxman's special five part journalistic journey in and around the Economy series to bring you the first part of a nine part narrative series explaining Beez Waxman's absence from this site.

By Beez Waxman

Chapter One:  Captured!

On this grey morning, I was sitting in my grey chair.  As my kitchen clock ticked, I was doing that thing with your eyes where you look straight ahead but bring your eye sight backwards and focus on nothing.  Everything goes fuzzy and then clear in the foreground, like the ants at the beginning of the Lion King.  The lampshade was the ants.  Whenever I do this, I always picture myself drooling a bit… but I never do.  I was waiting for the clock to hit 6:45, then I could head out and catch my bus to the office.  The daily grind.  It was killing me. 

The name’s Waxman.  Beez Waxman.  I’m a journalist.  And before today, I’ve never put the word Adventure in front of it and then capitalized Adventure and Journalist to make it a title rather than a description.

I’ve never done that.  Until today.

My tongue worked a morsel of Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs cereal from out of a small crevice in a back molar. 6:38.  Chocolatey.  6:38  Peanut Buttery.  6:3-

A rapping interrupted my thought process.   It was at my front door, but I assumed, its attention was not for me, but for my neighbor across the hall.  I ignored the first series of raps, but they were soon followed by a second, louder series. 

“It’s a little early for you to be making all that ruckus,”  I said. 

“And it’s a little early for you to be playing hide and seek; recess is at noon thirty”  Came a gruff voice from the other side of the door.  I turned towards the door, to face my nameless accuser.  The doorknob stared at me, mocking, teasing me- More rapping.

“I think you want Glover, he’s across the hall.” 

“We’re well aware of what door we’re rapping on.  We have a business propisition for you.  One we think you’ll… enjoy.”

The last syllable of his sentence hung in the air between us, as if it had snuck underneath the door to annoy me, echoing back and forth from my forehead to the doorframe.  I considered what their proposition could be, and before I made my first mistake of a very long day, I crossed myself.

As soon as I unlatched the door it was shoved open, knocking me backwards but not off my feet.  No, I didn’t leave my feet until one of my attackers snaked his leg around the back of my ankles and then shoved me in the chest.  This all felt vaguely familiar, in the fifth grade sense.  I was thinking of my old elementary school stomping grounds when a burlap sack was forcibly shoved over my head.  

“Fuck you.”  I said through a burlap filter.  And then the room took a darker shade of black.

Breaking Buzz: Pulled Pork not Pulled at Boston Blackies

This just in: Chicago restaurant Boston Blackies BBQ Pork Sandwich is not actually a BBQ pulled pork sandwich like one would expect. It is sliced and not very good. When working on a lead on another story, I tried to regail myself back to times of yesteryore by stopping at the Boston Blackies in Lincoln Park. I ordered the BBQ Pork Sandwich and was thoroughly disappointed.

More details when they come in.

The Economy: Let's Get to the Bottom of it

A special 5 part report by Beez Waxman

Part one: How Did We Get Here?

When long time friend/enemy and founder of the Buzzington Post V.S. Buzzington threw a stack of papers on my desk last Wednesday, I only had two questions: What's the assignment and when is it due? V.S. took a long puff on his cigar. Maybe a little too long. Then he turned away and looked out the window. He call's that his pondering pose.

"It's this economy, Beez," he said without looking back,"It's all fucked up and being stupid. The american people need to know what's going on... I need to know what's going on, I need to know, damnit. Damnit."

V.S. normally doesn't swear, so to hear him talk this frankly and eloquently while sprinkling in some explicatives only showed me how serious he was, and how serious the situation had become.

"Well," I replied, "What is it? I haven't heard anything about the economy in any competing news media or popular culture? Is it really news if no one knows about it?"

"Beez, I know... but this is important. Real important."

Thus began my journey into what may become my journalistic swan song... that's how absolutely shocking these results are. I spent hours going over numbers, facts, figures, interviewing strangers and friends alike. All in all, this story has been in the making since LAST Wednesday. Not the most recent Wednesday, the one before that.

Using a crack team of crack scientists, we've made a few conclusions about how we got to our present situation. For brevity's sake, I'll attempt to catch you up to speed through graphs and charts:

To quote my employer and founder of this online journalism site, or 'Onjournite' as I like to say, "this economy's all fucked up and being stupid." Now, normally when editoralizing I adhere to strict set of journalistic ethics, which include not using the major swears in print and trying to keep an upbeat attitude. I thought, because of the grave situation, I would use grave language to get my point across.

-BW

Breaking Buzz: Bega Bites

LOU BEGA

Now this is the top notch information you rely on from the BzPst.

Lou Bega, the man who brought you Mambo #5 has just signed onto the Mambo Kings "A Lou Bega Tribute Band"

That's right, Bega has joined a tribute band of his own music.

When asked for comment, Bega responded,

"I just feel like my music has inspired me to do so much with my life and I owe it to myself to pay tribute to the person who made that all possible." When the opportunity came along to play the bongos in this band, I just couldn't pass it up."

The Mambo Kings will be touring around the country all summer so keep a look out buzz nation

July 1.......John's Pizzeria

July 15......Tito's Bowl-o-rama

July 30.....Stinky Pete's Old Time Funnery Shop

August 2.....Oak Ridge Mall: Food Court, next to the Jamba Juice

August 15.....Topkea's K-Mart Parking Lot

August 31....Lillith Fair

Waxman Commentary: Heart Songs

by Beez Waxman

Dear Heart, 

Hey, stop beating so damn hard.  Seriously, cut it out.  I can feel you and it is starting to get really annoying.

There hasn't been a lady around in a long while and I know that I've just been lying here on the floor watching this DVD for the past hour so I know you have no good reason to be all crazy.

Are you angry with me?  Is that what this is about?  I've had too much pizza lately?  Well, if that is the case, then I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I've been eating so many carbs lately but I'm on a pretty limited budget, ok?  

I'm not mad at you, Heart, I'm not.  You don't need to rebel against me.  Why don't we all just calm down and have some of this cheesecake.  

Sincerely,

Beez Waxman

Breaking Buzz: Muppets Outraged

After a recent squabble with Big Bird for not providing enough funds for the construction of his Presidential library, George Bush has alienated the muppet community.

The issue is over Big Bird not honoring a committment he made to donate over 10 million dollars to the former President and George Bush airing his grievances publicly on Meet the Muppets.

A few years ago, this would have seemed inconceiveable, the muppets voted for George Bush overwhelmingly over John Kerry, but as they say you mess with one muppet and you mess with them all.

The key blow came at a recent charity function when Elmo, who voted against George W. Bush because of Bush's opposition to same-sex Muppet Marriage and day-care for Muppet Babies, came out and said that...

"George Bush doesn't care about Muppets."

Well its not just Elmo who is "tickled" by this issue, in the opinion of everyone here at the Nation, we to feel that George Bush does not care about muppets.

That's the daily buzz...stay posted for the latest muppet news and have a bee-utiful day

R.I.P. Dodger the Dog

Dodger the Dog
1985-2009



"Here's to hoping you never have to worry, you never have to care."

We have sad buzz to report today at the Buzzington Post. The passing of dear, dear friend Dodger.

Dodger was full of life, and because of his size, the vets said he wouldn't live more than 5 or 6 years. We can happily say that he made liars of them by living a complete and adventurous life. He finally succumbed to a heart attack at 15 years of age. He suffered from slight arthritis in his later years, but always had his tail wagging. Though he never had a dime, he had street saviore faire. They loved him at the Chelsea. They adored him at the Ritz. Dodger is proceeded in death by the passing of Rita. He is survived by his life partner Oliver, as well as friends Tito, Einstein, and the rest of Company.

Breaking Buzz: Dancing News

ALF is back, in dance form!







Dancing with the Stars, now this is a show that has revitalized both dancing and stars (not giant balls of gas, but washed-up, borderline famous people such as...joey fatone, mario lopez, lance bass, toni braxton, and a bunch of other people who used to be credible artists

now the show that got A.C. Slater a gig on Extra is reaching to the 80's well once again to grab another star to resurrect. Ladies and Gentlemen season 9 of Dancing with Stars will feature the dancing stylings of none of other than the Maniac from Melmac, Gordon Shumway, A.k.a. Alf

He will be dancing the cha-cha as a headliner for next years show, he will be joined by webster, gary coleman, major dad, the cast of the hogan family, and frank stallone

This is stacking up to be the best season ever...now go forth and spread the news at your water coolers buzz nation!!

Hot 2 Trot: Point/Counterpoint

Now the case has been made that Meghan McCain is hotter than Chelsea Clinton and it's time for

Point/Counterpoint

Point: Meghan McCain is the daughter of a Presidential candidate

Counterpoint: Chelsea Clinton is the daughter of THE President

Point: Meghan McCain is getting kind of famous

Counterpoint: Chelsea Clinton was mentioned in Rush Hour and inspired the 2004 classic film "Chasing Liberty" Starring Mandy Moore

Point: Meghan McCain majored in Art History "Bleh"

Counterpoint: Chelsea Clinton has a Masters in International Relations from Oxford

Overall these points prove that Chelsea Clinton is hotter and that's the final buzz

Hot 2 Trot Casefile: Meghan McCain: She's Got It Going On

Meghan McCain is like boom. She's got it going on.

I know a lot of people in the mainstream media have fallen in love with her because she's a republican that goes on the talking box, but we here at the Buzz Nation love her for another reason: She's a hottie.

Think about it. If you saw her at a bar, wouldn't you buy her a rob roy? No? Maybe an old fashion? Not that either? How about a tequila sunrise? Yeah. That's what I thought.

So what I'm saying, America, is lets get out there and get this girl a drink!

Waxman Commentary: the State of the Buzznation

By Beez Waxman
When V.S. Buzzington called me at my lake home on a dreary Sunday morning, I had no idea what he could want from me or what I would offer him. We hadn't spoken in over fourteen years, not since I lost my diplomatic immunity and not since Sausalito. Needless to say, I was surprised.

Then he told me he was starting up place for real news and real news stories. And he was going to put it on the world wide web. He told me that print media was dead like disco and the future was online, but they needed an old dog to contribute wisened sagelike advice and to have around so the young pups have someone to look up to and inspire to be.

Well, my ears may not work so well, but they still know music when they hear it, and old V.S. Buzzington was playing my song. I asked when he wanted me to start; he said "How about Monday?" I said "How about Tuesday" and we had ourselves a deal.

I'll tell you right now that I'm tired of how the world is today and I'm tired of how my body is responding. I tell my feet to go up a flight of stairs and they listen to me as well as my grandkids do. It is frustrating. I am fed up with the fat cats up on capitol hill and I am fed up with the way young people are dressing these days. The Buzzington Post is giving me an outlet, and for that, I'm going to give it all I got. I look forward to sounding off at you, the Buzznation, for now this is
Beez Waxman, signing off.

CyberBuzz: Breaking Jon Secada News!!!

We here at The Buzzington Post like to keep our ear to the ground and our axe to the grindstone on most news issues and social commentary, but especially if Jon Secada is involved. For too long, Secada has been closed off and withdrawn from the public eye, that is, until today... today we finally have some cold information on what Jon Secada's been up to lately. From his twitter:


XBox Live charges me double for the two-part ending of BSG. But an episode of The Office costs as much as one ep of BSG.
about 4 hours ago from twitterrific


Funny seeing Stringer Bell on The Office. I kept expecting him to pull out a big wad of cash and menace the staff.
about 13 hours ago from twitterrific


@cookiecrumb If memory serves, Gloria liked singing more than dancing, choreography was the last thing we'd work on before we went on tour. ;-)
6:57 PM Mar 19th from twitterrific


@BlogWellDone I loved playing in Cabaret for Sam and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but my original broadway love was and will always be Danny Zuko.
9:30 PM Mar 18th from twitterrific


Thinking of making my famous corned beef, as Buckhorn Grill says, "with au jus sauce" Maybe I'll just order some Zanzibar though.
6:57 PM Mar 17th from twitterrific

Hot 2 Trot Casefile: Is Little Weasly TOO HTT?

Greatings Buzzington Post Readers!

We've recently received new photos of Harry Potter Sexpot, Ginny Weasley, that leads us to believe she has become too hot to trot (or 2H2T). The staff here at BZNGTON POST would like to see more cleavage bearing photos before we make our decision.

Keep it real, loyal readers!

Breaking Buzz: Bee-cause you need to know

The Breaking Buzz will be a daily article on a topic of my choice, something that's hot on the street and needs to be written about, and i will make sure to include as many bee related puns as i can...i.e. replacing be with bee and inserting the word buzz needlessly into words

THE BREAKING BUZZ!
THE JONAS BROTHERS AREN"T REALLY BROTHERS...

Sure these stories aren't what you could real...but that's the point getting you information before it breaks, if that means it will never break so BEE it (Your Welcome)

So sit back and relax and enjoy the show

Welcome to the Buzzington Post

What is the Buzzington Post:

Our Mission is to provide you with what you need to know to be informed...the latest and hottest news and gossip around movies, books, television, music, and politics, dogs...

Things like...

What is Jon Secada Doing Now?

What's up with Meghan McCain?

Who is hot to trot?

The Latest Thor News?

Is Terrence Trent D'arby Still Alive??


This is your 15th spot to stop when you need late breaking news about irrelevant people doing irrelevant things

Stay posted people!